Growing Up, Sitting Down, and Shutting Up

My last post was about 2016 and the blessing of a mess it had turned out to be. Honestly, I think that when I was writing it I was pretending to not be down in the dumps. Y’all pretending to be what you’re not is never ever a good idea. As I typed out those words, more forcefully than it usually takes to write a blog post, I pulled at every string to try and just make the post “work.” ┬áBut of course, I couldn’t finish it to my satisfaction because satisfaction hardly ever comes from force. Satisfaction of a job well done comes from working hard and well, with joy and intrigue, and a culture of peace in yourself. And really I had none of these as I wrote my recent post.
This blog is a personal public diary. I began it so I could process somewhere others could read it and see my process. And I’m quickly learning about how putting a process out into the world is a scary thing. Because even though I have few followers, trying to leave nothing out and put all of myself into an un-erasable platform is difficult. But its good.
So I guess this post is sort of a redo. I’m not sure. Its not that I don’t agree with what was said in my last post, its more that the mindset it was written from wasn’t me and wasn’t what I want to live with. I simply wasn’t in a good mood and was grasping for God yet not listening to Him.
Which is funny ’cause earlier this morning, as I was handling a mountain of dishes, alone in the house (a rare occasion), and listening to music, I thought about 2016. In all its upside-down glory, 2016 was as maturing as it is difficult. I definitely learned a whole lot. I learned enough how much I don’t know and how unprepared I am for the world. But also, how I don’t need the acceptance or satisfaction of others because I have the acceptance and satisfaction of my Creator. I learned maturing and hard-times go hand and hand but are not symbiotic. You can go through the hardest of knocks without growing an inch. But these hard knocks are recipes for miracle grow if you realize it.
2016 was the year of “grow up, sit down, and shut up” for me. That’s basically what I heard every time I listened to God. Most of the time more eloquently, or creatively, but not always. God is straight forward and He doesn’t need anything fancy or high and mighty to get His point across. Throughout the year He taught me how to take from my experiences, both spiritual and tangible, how to sit down and rest and let God do His work, and how to quit talking and let Him speak over me. That makes 2016 a pretty good year. And I’ll be wiser with new situations and ideas in the future.
I fully expect to forget what I’ve learned occasionally. But my mindset has changed. Where once I believed I had to work for love, I now know its mine unconditionally. And that word has a whole new meaning now.
I am excited for this next year. I have a plan, I have big dreams, and I have a God who backs them up. Last year did kind of suck in a lot of ways, I’m not sugar-coating, but I’m grateful for what I’ve been given, what I’ve learned, and the people I know. I refuse to let suck override goodness. I will be intentional with what is mine, from family, to schedule, to mindset, to relationships, to body, to spirit. Intentionality will consume me. I will continue to let God do what He does and trust Him. And I will listen to what He says without my own talking and planning clouding my mind. 2017 will be a good year.

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